L'été Abstrait

0815 Hours Stuck in an epic traffic jam coming out of the NKVE. Took the Kota Damansara exit to bypass the killer traffic going into the Damansara exit. 0830 Hours I've moved maybe 10 car lenghts. Listening to soothing jazz, counting how many S Classes i see on the road and I came up with the magic number of 27. 27 S Classes in 15 minutes! And they say our per capita income is low. Pish posh. 0835 Hours Received a text message from Messer Bratvurst. Told me that he had an additional seat open for the advanced vorsprung driving class we're having today. Since it cost RM 1,200 (or so I was told) and he didn't want it to go to waste, I decided to call the person who lived closest to the driving circuit. And by circuit, i mean makeshift-crappy-carpark in One Utama. After 4 rings (no pun intended..lol), the petrolhead on the other end finally picked up. No surprises for guessing who that man is. Yup, twas Naem. 0900 Hours Smack bang on time. Quickly parked the car, rushed to the...

My uncle used to say to me, “Laughing and Riding a bicycle, two things you never forget how to do.” I for one, could never ride a bike. But I always knew how to laugh. Yet lately, as I’ve taken measure in my life, and as I look around, I mainly see people who still know how to ride a bicycle, but whose next smile is achieved by wondering which clothing boutique is on for sale, or where their next holiday is going to be. What’s happened here? Whenever we get a spare minute, we ponder which restaurant we’re going to dine in next. Or when we’re getting that promotion we’ve been waiting for. Close our eyes, and we dream of that 3 Bedroom Apartment in Hartamas. What’s happened? A little over a month ago, I left this world of things. And I went back to some of the fairgrounds. I was trying to remember the people…trying to revive in myself the ability to rejoice in the simple company of others. Trying to enjoy the smaller, more crucial things in life. Like family. A home. A place to belong. ...

To my closest and dearest of friends, thank you for being here during my time of need. People say that no one can fall so deeply in love in such a short period of time. I did. The problem is, love doesn't believe in time constraints. Love isn't even linear. Love is the greatest triumph of humankind. But it also our greatest folly. Especially when your hand is forced to do the unthinkable. To let the person you love most...go. I still love her. My heart beats so strongly for her that i lie awake at night, wondering if she's alright. I still feel her breath on my neck, her hands pressed firmly on mine...but i had to let her go.... For those of you who think I had a normal relationship, please don't judge. You have no idea what i've gone through. It was quite literally, the best of times..and the worst of times. In some ways, she was the best thing that ever happened to me. I miss you so much. Even though you have let me down so greatly. You have hurt me like no other,...

This feeling really bites. I hate feeling this way. I hate my decision, but it had to be done. You only ever hear or see the things that happened to me... in the movies. When it really does happen...you keep pinching yourself to remind yourself you're awake. I've finally gotten off my rollercoaster ride, which had volatile peaks and troughs. A ride which went through one blind corner through another. Hoping that I'd catch a glimpse of the next one. I never did. Everytime i kept thinking that the next bend is going to be the worst one ever...I find out that it's Much Much worse than i could've ever imagined. Why does it have to be this way? Was there something i could've done to make things better? Fuck. Oh well...there must be a lesson behind this somehow. I hope i'll be able to see it someday.

The feeling of guilt is what makes us human. It is the act of a guilty conscience which makes us a productive member of society. We fear the ramifications and consequences to each and every act we put forth. We are god fearing, law abiding citizens. The living embodiment of cultural, religious and social advancement which we have perfected over time. Society is given its conscience through a rigorous system of do's and don'ts. If religion doesn't work, the law will. And if all else fails, what do we do? Blame our parents. The oedipal complex. Why don't we use the critique as a method for constructive self improvement? We sure as hell could use the advice. I'm sure we've all done a thing or two in our lives that we're not exactly proud of. The question of, "Can you sleep at night?" is the only mental apparatus holding us back. It is our intangible stumbling block. But i hate it when our conscience becomes the reason on why we do things which will ul...

Ah....this is what we do everytime we're done with our photoshoots...we play around... Since today's photoshoot had foodstuffs....we thought we'd try our hand at posing...with colourful vegetables...enjoy! :) The Art of Zen The Zoolander Pose... You add your own captions! :) Mr Bratvurst and Mira Sensual Veggies OoooooooW!!

Here are the photos from yesterday. We chatted, laughed, played Halo 2, smoked way too much and messed up the apartment. Ahh...all in good fun yeah? :) Oh and thanks for the pics Zul. Cun giler. Adik beradik Adik beradik lagi... :) Mira and Nad All smiles! :) Now we're laughing. Hee License and registration please..

I have a very short attention span, and an even shorter fuse.It's not easy staying focused on something for an extended period of time. Tedium overwhelmes me. The extraordinary suddenly becomes the mundane. I get bored. I need to get out. I need to find something new. Live for the moment. Skydiving, ride the rapids..that sorta thing. I really don't know what's come over me. Repetition is an annoyance i can hardly shrug off on call. Repetition has gotten the better of me. I need a holiday. Southern Spain...Renens...Geneva...wherever. I just need grassy plains and bright blue skies...just to kick back..even if it is fleeting. I need solitude. Some time alone, all by myself..to reflect on the things which have come and gone...and pray for future tidings. Good future tidings. I miss just getting up in the morning and going for those drives to nowhere. It did absolutely nothing for my wallet, but it unloaded more than just Optimax. I usually got a whole lot of shit off my chest ...

Our thought processes are usually more of a bane than it is a boon. More often than not, we think more than we act. We analyze more than we react. Thinking is bad enough when you do too much of it on your own, but when you listen to other people's thought processes and absorb them as your own, you become ultimately and literally doomed. I have two great friends who have succumbed to peer pressure more often than you can imagine. What's funny is how both of them are reluctant to admit it. They pretend as though they're fine going through life without a care in the world what and how people perceive them to be but when and if they hear something which isn't complimentary or downright rude and insulting, they do bat an ear. But what if it's not an insult? What if their selfishness gets the better of you, and you being blinded by the 'pureness' of friendship, actually start to listen to them? "Don't go to Bali, you might get bombed and we'd lose you...

All of us has a path which we all journey through during the course of our lives. The luckier ones have a road map pointing out the bumps, dead ends and U-turns. Others aren’t so lucky. Some don’t even have maps, a handful don’t even know where they’ve been or where they’re going. For the unfortunate souls without a guide in the world showing them their true/intended path, they usually end up being lost for the most part of their lives. Imagine walking through the woods in the dark without any notion of familiarity to get you across in one piece. When you don’t know what to expect, you end up trying every single fork that comes your way; hoping that one of them will bring you literally “out of the woods.” When we lose our bearings, our experiences tells us what to expect and how to react to a specific event if and when such an occurrence takes place. We have our mental and emotional compass to differentiate right from wrong, good from bad. But what if we were never given the distinctio...

It's taken me 23 years to realise this, but i thank god that i was fortunate enough to have even realised it at all. Everyone knows that a gesture is more meaningful than a gift, but in the world we live in today, a gesture is often misunderstood and unappreciated. Everyone smiles when you furnish them with gifts, but rarely do people furnish you with their smiles as their gifts to you. Well it happens, but usually you'd be pissant about it deep down and not two minutes after that same person has left your room/apartment/house, you'd be bitching about him/her to no end. Well, at this point in my life, nothing means more to me then seeing the person I love crack a smile. It feels good to make others feel good about themselves. To make them feel that they're special and important. The gestures need not be extravagant or brazen; sometimes even the smallest act of putting your hand on hers is enough. We all change with time. Sometimes we change when it is time for us to cha...

Every single day, is another chance for a new experience. Another chance to learn how we; as humans learn to adapt to various challenges and bumps along the way. My experience of the year has to be my current state of sleep deprivation. I feel like i'm a trapeze artist. I have to juggle work, family, my own life and my girl. 24 hours just isn't enough. I swear. I get my shut eye at 12 (at best) and get up around 6 (if i'm lucky) to pray, shower, get dressed, and head off to work. While some of you might argue that 6 hours is more than enough sleep for an adult, I only do get six hours at BEST. For the past two weeks, i've been playing catch up. I lost track of my days and appointments. I can't go on like this. I know of some people who sleep when others are awake, and i applaud them for their lack of conformity. Or at least their abandoned disregard for order and society. I can't. I have work, i have a social life and i have to see the moon to sleep. How can you...