And So It Goes.

The song by Billy Joel rings true today. When you reach a certain age, you begin to go through the different milestones in life almost as though you were viewing it through a lens. Every blink is a decade.

In my mind, it felt like only yesterday that I left Melbourne for Malaysia. As I sit here, I can still vividly remember the taste of the air, the unmistakable tinge of coffee that permeated through the balcony door from the Brunetti's cafe down below. 

Blink.

And it's 10 years later and I'm sitting at a desk job that I hate; a job I had to take because my media company failed. I was questioning the very purpose of my existence. Am I meant to be mediocre? Here I was, stuck in a job where I had to commute 50 kilometres daily (one way!) where the only thing I looked forward to was what was being served for lunch. Everything about the job felt wrong to the very core of my being, but I had to do it, because I was told that it was time for me to grow up. Be a man. Marry the woman that I was dating and start a family. Grit my teeth, work through the pain. Rinse, repeat. 

Blink.

And another 10 years have passed. Today, my world is completely different. I'm in a job that I absolutely love, surrounded by people that I have real, honest connections with. Whenever we are together, we share an authenticity that comes, quite literally, once every 20 years or so for me. 

And in this whirlpool, I rediscovered what it felt like to be loved again. In the two blinks, I became 20 again, with joy filling every corner of my soul. There's this warmth and familiarity that was long forgotten and sorely missed, a feeling of homeliness and belonging.

But today, I've decided to remind myself that, perhaps, I am not meant to feel this way. Not yet anyway. Sometimes, you believe that the choices are yours to make, but they can make decisions too. And I think, it's time for them to have this heart to break.

"And so it goes, you're the only one who knows." - Billy Joel