"I am dreamy, contradictory, quirky and sometimes grouchy."

It takes a moment to say hello, but forever to say goodbye. 

I’ve been trying to say goodbye for a while now, with little or no luck. 

The horizon fades away in the distance leaving only the plains; desolate and empty. That’s exactly how I feel. I just can’t let her go. The irony of it all is that I can’t say that I’ve ever had her either. 

I feel like a badly wound guitar, tuneless and flaccid. She’s the one playing the tune and the song remains unsung. 

She’s involved with someone else and it’s obvious that I shouldn't get in the way of her happiness.

But I can’t. 

I can’t stop thinking about her. 

I can’t not hope that she’d call or text. My heart skips a beat every single time I hear her voice. Even the way she says hello has an effect on my psyche. 

“Don’t you have a lot of work?” I asked in one of our more recent conversations.

“Work can wait.” was her reply. 

How I wished that I could spend every waking moment with her. But I can’t. 

“Cause I’m taken.” she said, two weeks earlier. 

“Why does this have to happen when I’m taken?” she sighed.

My soul weeps that you're taken. And you have no idea how taken I am by you. How I can’t stop relating everything to you. I forced myself to stop thinking of you..and for a while it worked. I moved on. 

“I was listening to Luther Vandross…and thought of you.” She said in a message a week ago, ruining my attempts at moving on with a single text. 

I don’t need music to remind me of you. You’re everywhere and nowhere all at once. I can’t even drive to Alexis without thinking of you. Ironically, I was never a frequenter of Alexis. It’s only recently that I became one. 

“Can we just not talk about him? What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Let’s go out, just you and me.” she laments.

But I will know. And I can’t do this. 

I won't be a third wheel in your live rendition of Cruel Intentions, simply because I’m no Sebastian Valmont and we’re far from being some upstart glamorous New Yorkers. I have principles and I believe that by falling for someone who has, as you so eloquently put it, already been taken is already a bridge too far. To continue down this road of deception is simply unacceptable. 

It shakes the very core of my being. 

And with that, I must move on and not turn back even if it means sacrificing the very friendship that we’re trying so hard to save. 

Were we even friends to begin with? How could we have been if our almost instant attraction was anything but friendly? It’s definitely not easy to live a lie, but to deny what the heart wants is something I could never do. I know I’m at fault for falling for a person that I could never have. 

But you fall in love with your heart, not your head. 

While I may be at fault for deliberating my actions, I’ll stand firm on my belief that you really can’t choose who you fall for. You fall head first, and make as loud a bang as possible as you crash land yourself to the bottom. I never fight battles which i can't win, yet I kept on trying to fight this one. 

I have got to admit that I've lost. And I'll do right by you and force myself to walk away from one of the most amazing persons I've known. And I’m saying goodbye, right here…right now. 

I'll leave this post with a fleeting comment that she gave me: "Eddie, you're a dreamy, contradictory, quirky and sometimes grouchy person." 

Despite having more vices than strengths in her description of me, I can't help but smile at how she aptly described who I was, on the inside. 

I will seriously miss you Tets and I hope one day, years from now, as we arrive at the sunset of our lives, the universe will give us a brief glimpse into what could've been.